Monday, December 29, 2008


Psalm 139:23 Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. 24 See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

Lately I feel that I am barely scratching the surface of truly knowing God and what He wants in my life. Pretty sad when you consider I hit 50 this year and the majority of my earthly life is behind me. Sadder still would be if when I get to heaven, I said, “Sorry Lord, wasn’t quite sure what you wanted so I just made it up as I went along.” If I’m thinking of this with a true God-consciousness I know that I will spend an eternity with Him and I need to know more of His heart now.

As with anything that has been difficult for me to learn, I can’t just jump in any old place and struggle to figure out what is going on. I need to go back to the earliest place I DID understand, my lowest common denominator, so to speak and work my way up from there.

For me, that was Surrender. That place where I invited God to do an inventory of my life, the good, the bad and the ugly, and then lay it at His feet and said, “Here it is. It’s yours. Do with it what you will.”

His Will.

So tonight, coming back to that time of weeping over my sins is a place I need to revisit.

I need to ask God to break my heart with those things that break His heart. Penthos: a broken and contrite heart, godly sorrow, holy mourning. Ask Him for a contrite heart. Pray not only forgiveness of my sins but pray for forgiveness on behalf of the church, that body of believers that I’m a part of.

Pray that the glory of the Lord will fill the temple. Mine….theirs.

2 Chronicles 7:14 If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land. 15 Now my eyes will be open and my ears attentive to the prayers offered in this place.

I won’t be alone in my tears. I think of some that wept over sin, Job, Jeremiah, David, Paul, Christ….

I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection. I want to have His heart. I want to be aware of that heartbeat every minute of every day. I want to have the boldness to ask Him for the deepest longings of my heart and know that they are His longings too. I want to trust that He can and will bring revival to a church that is longing to know His heart and is not satisfied with barely scratching the surface.

Just Let Me Say
Just let me say how much I love You
Let me speak of Your mercy and grace
Just let me live in the shadow of Your beauty
Let me see You face to face
And the earth will shake as Your Word goes forth
And the heavens can tremble and fall
But let me say how much I love You
O my Savior, my Lord and friend

Just let me hear Your finest whispers
As You gently call my name
And let me see Your power and Your glory
Let me feel Your Spirit's flame
Let me find You in the desert
Til this sand is holy ground
And I am found completely surrendered
To You, my Lord and friend

So let me say how much I love You
With all my heart I long for You
For I am caught in this passion of knowing
This endless love I've found in You
And the depth of grace, the forgiveness found
To be called a child of God
Just makes me say how much I love You
O my Savior, my Lord and friend
Just makes me say how much I love You
O my Savior, my Lord and friend

No comments: